Even If

Drove three and a half hours, pulled up in front of the house. And then there I was. Walking up the sidewalk to the front door of my dad's house for the first time in my life. A few weeks prior, I celebrated my 50th birthday and for all of those birthdays, my dad had…

Embracing What Is

I rarely needed to scroll beyond the first screen in my text messages to find the last one with my dad. From the minute I found him, we were in almost daily contact. Finding a dad who didn't know I existed after 50 years who wanted to be found was pretty life transformational and we…

Dear Adoption, I Never Would Have Chosen You

Dear Adoption, Fifty-three years. We know each other well. In fact, we know each other so well, we finish each other's sentences. Your influence has shaped me in fundamental ways that can never be undone. Like a knotted shoelace in the hands of a novice, I could never untie myself from you. The trusted professionals…

Chosen?

CHOSEN, participle passive 1. Selected from a number; picked out; taken in preference; elected; predestinated; designated to office. 2. Select; distinguished by preference; eminent. I've heard this often in Adoptionland. They say that adoptees are "chosen." I get it. It certainly sounds like a good thing. After all, who wouldn't want to be chosen? We all want happy…

DNA Unraveled Family Secret Held for 50 Years: Adoptee Finds True Identity of Biological Father

Three yrs. ago today, I was a good 10 yrs. past rejection from failed reunion with my biological mother and dealing with the reality that my birthmother wanted me to believe - my conception was a forced situation and my birthfather was someone she still feared 5 decades later. She told me that me and…

Don’t Get Even … Heal

To be honest, when I read this post a few weeks back - "Don't get even ... heal" - surprisingly it didn't create the same visceral response that it did even just a year ago. My heart didn't race, tears didn't pool. Evil accusations and rejectors didn't hijack my thoughts. A year ago, I was…

An Adoptee Gives Thanks for the Beautiful – not the Unbearable

In this season of thanks, it seems appropriate to share this here. Adoption is perfectly conflicted - beautiful, yet much of it, unbearable to watch. So many very beautiful things I'm thankful for and yet so much I never will be. There's much in my adoption life that I'm thankful for - truly thankful! I'm…

Dear Adoptee, Keep Going …

Dear Adoptee, Though different and not as literal as Harriet experienced, I've felt the warm moisture from the breath of dogs at my heels, felt the searing heat of torches at the nape of my neck and listened to the masses of horrific howling hot on my trail. My dogs wear cloaks of secrecy, deception…

Digging Graves – Adoptees Bury Lost Years

Little did I know when embarking on the search for my biological family, that I would encounter grief/loss like I've never known before. The initial reunion with my Dad couldn't have gone better even if Hollywood had written the script, but the happy part was far surpassed by the overwhelming feeling of loss. Overwhelming is…

How to Prepare for Search and Reunion with Biological Family

I just passed the 17-month anniversary mark of meeting my biological dad for the first time and I've become a little reminiscent and introspective, wondering what it might look like now if only I'd known a few more things before I reached out to him. I can tell you with certainty that I had absolutely…